And that's about 30 more than the average heterosexual male will need to reach peak yogurt arch. If there was a hall of fame for "Reasons I Have to use a Magic Eraser on my Ceiling" this would be on top. Directly underneath this clown show.
Most erections won't make it past that hobgoblin in the second video, but trust me - it gets better. Not season 4 into season 5 Game of Thrones better. More like final episode "thank fuck this is over, I need to shower this stink off me" better.
Symptom #37 that you've graduated from everyday camgirl, to fully fledged bucket list fuck: You actively shoot, edit and upload a video of your oyster farm getting shucky ducky'd for all the degenerates of the world to see. quack quack
Guillermo del Toro and his production company have some fucking explaining to do. I don't know what I just watched but personally, I think he should find a way to cast the Olsen twins in the sequel and let the tapioca fly. Think outside the box.
When your rusty bag is knee-level, and the age of medicare is on the horizon - maybe being labeled a sexual predator becomes the least of your problems? But for everyone else watching: You probably shouldn't even attempt this one.
Snicker Bar aficionado focuses on the important things in life. I.E. getting passed around a New Orleans living room faster than a bag of Hot Cheetos. I want a sequel. One where Darius & Company go full crab dance on that cinnamon ring.
5 seconds: That's how long it takes for 1 order of mango shrimp to cannonball it's way out of my body, and make it's way back to the ocean. It's also the amount of time it takes the poster girl for "LOLIDGAF" to give her official seal of approval.
That tit-to-tattoo ratio: Never in my life have I been so impressed and disgusted at the same time. Actually... that's not true. Walking into a Walmart bathroom unannounced during Black Friday still holds that trophy. But this is a strong silver.
Nothing quite spells C-O-L-L-E-G-E-L-I-F-E like a supposed Navy Seal turned male pornstar challenging 80+ CSUN students to a backyard beatdown whilst completely naked and armed with nothing but a slowly deflating boner. HAHA.
There's a thin line between heavy petting and questionable assaults on the girl who bags your soy milk at whole foods. Where that line exists... I don't know. But judging by the wet spot developing under her taint I'd wager this roastie does.
Mark Zucklesberg Jr. gets air-dropped into their city for one mission and one mission alone: Lay down the kind of pipe Mike Haggar used to clean up an entire city. He may look like the Pythagorean theorem but trust me, this is no sex noob.
You know for a country that's famous for cutting your organs out over a bad drug deal... they're pretty tolerant on the sexual assault thing. Example: This lil' burrito getting full access to the coochanas and not making a dash for the dirty swamp.
so... what's the number one reason men travel abroad with copious amounts of currency in their wallets? To traffic drugs inside the rectal cavities of local cattle and/or family members. But right behind that, there's this. Watch & learn hombrè.
Welcome to the world of implied incestual videos. Against all better judgement, it's managed to take the Internet's #1 spot as go-to spank material. Here's a tip tho: They're all faker than Sylvester Stallone's piss test. But this one...
Maybe you've already seen this? Seems to have spread across the Internet net faster than gonorrhea during Burning Man weekend. It's part of the "doitforstate" challenge aka the only reason to pay for college. More public debauchery HERE