It seems a 2-pack of Bud Light turns you into the Gandolf of parking lot pussy pickups... and today his teachings are all free of charge. Practice what you see here and I promise those, size-11 Tinder girls will never "LMAO" at you again.
She claims this is legit, and it's the first time "meeting" this dude. Okay lady, sure. And the gangrene I got from "introducing" myself to a stripper that considers Canadian pennies a form of payment will just go away with soap and water.
All I see is jealousy. Well... maybe "jealous" is the wrong word as it would imply she gives half a shit about public image. Trust me; she doesn't. I've been inside a White Castle at 2:00AM. I know what antipathy and diseased meat looks like.
Most erections won't make it past that hobgoblin in the second video, but trust me - it gets better. Not season 4 into season 5 Game of Thrones better. More like final episode "thank fuck this is over, I need to shower this stink off me" better.
Nope, not even getting a participation trophy for this. I've seen episodes of The Golden Girls with more enthusiasm. FREE TIP: When geriatric sitcoms produce stiffer erections than u, it might be time rethink the whole porn thing. [PART 1]
Practically 4 years of regretful behavior summed up in 30 seconds, or behind the scenes of the next Valtrex commercial? Today you choose your own adventure.
This is acceptable. But you hang one brain out of your 2XL Nike Mesh shorts on squat day & suddenly you're on the lifetime ban list. P.S. Fuck you Planet Fitness.
Seems this B-tier porn LARPer has acquired some sort of certification from the city? Back in my day this jobber would have laid down for the 3 count without a gimmick and put the legend over. And dammit, she would have liked it. (brother)
All I learned from this is a 2-pack of Coors Light gives all the confidence someone needs to perform in public. And today, all that education is free. Practice what you see here & I promise those size-11 Craigslist girls will never "LMAO" at you again.
Pretty hot TBH. I'd literally give up the last half of my Shake Shack Double Dip if she could teach my girlfriend how to do this without a handle of Smirnoff first.
Criticize the THOTery you want, but when it's 2AM in Cornhole Oklahoma - wtf else r u supposed to do? Wait... don't answer that yet. Let me get vaccinated first.
The last time I saw a girl this desperate for attention in walking distance of a Taco Bell, I had to look up the Spanish words for "help", and "ambulance" and "bitch relax, I'll get you Baja Blast if my supreme combo comes with 2 drinks okay?"
Do I believe she faked being sick just so she could OnlyFans her asshole into a hospital bed for 44 seconds of Internet clout? Yes. Welcome to the year 2020.
There's 2 things I try my best no to do: 1.) masturbate in Burger King's drive-thru. And 2.) Bullshit my viewers. That said, this video is pretty basic. But hey - the genitals are youthful and the humiliation is non-existent. So... official double fap.
Imagine being 18-years-old again and feverishly finding new ways to get attention on you. Now combine that with thrift clothing stores and unlimited data plans.
Everyone else is talkin about stimulus checks and economic downfall, and I'm just waitin for girls to start masturbating in the middle of Target again. #oldfashioned
I've seen this hysteria before. The McRib comes back for 2 days and someone else is trying to sell you bargain beef in the parking lot for half the price. Listen closely Becky: Not now, Not ever. Now where the fuck is my Darkwing Duck happy meal?
I mean they're technically not wrong. I was just hoping for something more along the lines of trailer park hooker dirty, not trailer park marriage dirty. #disappointed
The first girl may have very well ended erectile dysfunction as we know it with nothing more than eye contact. The second one instantly brought the epidemic back in full force. That's some sweet 50/50 booking, BROTHER. [original here]
Fast Food: Some go for the convenience. Others, to test the durability of their Flushmaster 3000. But a select few request a real happy meal. #beyondmeat
A little bit off-topic, but sweet mother of dragons, every time this girl sticks out her tongues (every 8 seconds) her face instantly reminds me why TUMBLR and pocket knives are a horrible combination.
