As fate would have it, combining the genetics of a 1st-world pornstar and modern technology yields impressive results. Now if you'll excuse me I have to take a 7-second jump roping class and gouge my fucking eyes out with a melon baller.
What happens when you combine the Czech Republic with Gordon Ramsay's internship program, and secure funding from George Soros? uhh, I'll let you know after my parents unblock me after accidentally linking them to this video lmao
Just go ahead and scroll to the 6:15 mark and ask yourself: "just what in the secret of monkey island miss cleo juju voodoo bullshit is going on here?" Because I did.
4 minutes of the 2nd most apprehensive sound that can escape the female body during a spirited rnd of Billy Blanks Tae Bo 3 Pack DVD set on sale now at amazon
Ever find yourself asking the question: What would happen if you spiked Freddy Kreuger's Ambien with boner pills, let Michael Myers into a glory hole and told Jason Voorhees that teenage pussy has a better use than pitchfork storage?
Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
Not only do women work fewer hours than men, they choose different careers. Women are more interested in people, while men are more interested in things. They also take more browns to the Super Bowl than the NFL ever has in 98 years.
Imagine swallowing enough beef to spiral the vegan community out of control, then proclaim it's not for the money. Here's a free tip: It might be more believable if you say it without the echo your butthole is emitting after doing that scene lol.
I'm a simple man. I can only imagine the sex life of an active farmersonly.com only has one dynamic to it. And we're fucking looking at it right now. #help
And by shocked I mean quietly contemplating how far into insanity social media and attention whoring has pushed society. Crazyshit.com makes these Efukt-ish videos regularly and they officially changed my life for the worse. More [HERE]
No clickbait, I'm DEAD SERIOUS. Scroll to the 3:00 min mark and pretend physics still exists. Then call Tom Savini and tell him his services are no longer required.
Wanna make ur shitty demo reels better? Feature the organic instrumentals only a Greenbay Packers fan can truly appreciate. Thats the way to the Internets heart.
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
LIFE LESSON #237: If someone uses the word negotiable in their Craigslist ad - move the fuck on to the next one or prepare to doomsday prep on Valtrex & Clorox bleach. Discounts are temporary. War-torn genitals arent.
[tip: scroll to bottom of page for link] You know that thin piece of skin that separates the inside of a vagina from the rusty turntable? Well, her two costars just accidentally thrusted straight fucking through it. #diapers4life
This guy has a unique style. It's 1 part Tom Savini, 17 parts Jeffrey Dahmer. If any of you are the betting type, I've got the entire 3rd season of The Martin Lawrence show on VHS that says those snatch flies @ 0:16 mark are legit.
Props to guy laying pipe. I haven't heard a teenager whine that ambiguously since that time I was caught defecating in the Blockbuster drop-box in protest to late fees on my rental of Johnny Mnemonic. FULL SCENE HERE
Want proof that humans are all about charity? Look no further friendo. This charitable fuck offers a nervous local the ultimate handout - a free play on his wife's arcade box. It's generosity like this that really warms my heart.
Pregnant sisters, overly-hung midgets and a race to outdo dad's cum stains. I don't know if I'm jerking off to porn, or a Charlie Sheen family reunion.
Wife has second thoughts about the butthole boogaloo, right as he's about to shoot some tadpoles at the moon. But there's no escape, she voluntarily submits. In other words: This is a PSA on the importance of communication.
If physical pain at all plays a role in the enjoyment a person feels, I would estimate Rocketta Balboa here is hovering in between 'Level 10 Orgasm' and "I got an extra McNugget in my value meal". Ejaculate with caution.
The more colors in her hair, the crazier the bitch is. A simple concept... and one that's officially reinforced thanks to this 97lb puddle slut farming the fuck out. Put it this way: Just watching her gave me Hep-C. It's that serious.
2 tokes of synthetics turn this skalliwag into the Gary Busey of hookups First she bare-asses the pavement. Then she speaks in tongues, in what I can only guess is confessing her sexual attraction to a mailbox. Hit it?
