All but guaranteed to execute any size-queen fantasies u might've accidentally had after an episode of Keeping Up With the Kuntashians. Don't be fooled by that shit eating grin: Your love of vagina dies here and dies now.
His penis has the dimensions of a cement shovel. READ: NOT something you want to go balls-deep on. This isn't porn. It's an alternative to renting out storage units.
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Some women require foreplay to get off. Others, Chili's 2 for $20 menu. And then there's Delma Dickstorm, who takes no less than 11 taco hammers to reach her O-face. That's marriage material if I've ever seen it.
Got trust issues? Mine stem from being dick tricked 392 consecutive times by the Eastern Hemisphere. Fall for that many trouser barnacles in a row and you best believe I'm 2nd guessing your TINDER profile, TIFFANY.
See the epic eye roll @6:03? I know that look. It's the fuck, i shouldn't have married a guy that voted Bernie look. No kidding lady. A) Free college is a myth. 2) Your uterus wouldnt have turned into a chapter of the YMCA
The modern camgirl can't go 1 day without involving innocent bystanders in their gash smash power hour. It's a condition us folks refer to as token-osis, and this bug-eyed bitch is closing in on stage 4. Inoperable.
How to make ur silly fetish porn better? Feature a guy over 5' tall & get some closeups. Thats what we really want: sexual assault vicariously through the Internet. Not watch Johnny Shortdick stumble through puberty.
We're only two weeks into 2017, but I feel confident in my assessment of her particular set of skills & 4 outta 5 pornographic connoisseurs would agree. You know what that means? 1 of them is a fucking idiot. That's what.
Intoxicated skank gives her best hootenanny to a guy that gets more enthusiastic about colonoscopies. Sorry Briellalynn, Ordinance 175-D41 strictly prohibits citizens from acquiring chlamydia twice in the same month.
Don't let the location fool you. This Putana's tough girl persona is as real as KFC's hand-washing policy. Such as illustrated after her 'brother's' attempt at literally fucking the tears out of her. P.S. WTF @ 1:25 LOL
A good boyfriend always greases the scud duck with essential oils from Jarkata prior to admittance. Then there's this alpha bastard... who treats his cock like a great white shark on feeding day. Way to kill the trend.
ha ha ha
Crystal-Lynn Danni Shania Duggan takes one in the eye after making an all-too common mistake: Going down the N-road with a black woman. Sorry pal, but the result is always the fucking same. #RONDAROUSEY'D
Today's Lessons: Bottom is never better, queefs are always funny, unleashing seminal tidal waves is socially acceptable in the right application, and everybody that resembles Freddie Mercury is gay. Class dismissed.
Downside of marrying prostitutes from russiabride.com? Every dick in a three-mile radius is using your 9-5 to unload some nut sac gazpacho on your S/O. And don't even get me started on those ridiculous storage fees.
All intimate activities usually come to an end the moment you try dancing the chocolate cha-cha... but not when you're dating this bulletproof butthole. I think FORD TOUGH just unearthed its new spokeswoman.
She twerks like her uterus is having a seizure until dude blows 3-cheese Velveeta... then continues. Chances of feeling this IRL? Zero. But the jealousy is legit. Some serious physics happening on that ass. How the fuck...