[tip: look in the second row for link] Kinda counterproductive to be hung like a zoo animal, yet never able to find a girl that can handle 50% of your moose leg. Perhaps it's that time to trade Tinder for farmersonly.com?
Listen. I've seen some pretty loathsome shit in my day: Tijuana donkey porn, suggestive photographs of Mickey Rourke, all the Fantastic Four films. But THIS? This shit made me gag like a Hindu trapped inside Arby's. #IQUIT
There's nothing more boner-hardening than uninhibited siblings... save for your dad walking in on you jacking off to Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. My point is: 90's movies are criminally underrated and it really needs to stop.
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
This is bad. More bad than the time I emptied $27 worth of Wendy's value meals into the plastic case of Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project for NES and slipped it in a Blockbuster drop-box. Wait no, that was priceless.
Her hip-to-waist ratio is insane. But mother of fuckin' Iggy Pop... not even a Chinese plastic surgeon could Ctrl+Alt+Del the Stalone from that face. Impressive body tho.... I dub thee '#1 girl I'd be sodomized in the dark by
Kennedy Kressler. I like her. I really do. But the girl's got the skin tone of a corpse and is built like a toothpick. This is essentially 1 cunt hair hair away from being stage-3 HIV porn. Guilty boner is guilty. More HERE + HERE
This is Carolina Sweets. She's a gAmErGuRl. AKA "porn streamer without the porn". Or as I prefer: "cute face and bitchy attitude without body odor reminiscent of Regal popcorn butter". POGGERS IN CHAT ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
Pay close attention, and you'll notice these are paid pornstars blending in with real university students. HINT: 2 seconds of labia flashing sending Carlos Garcia and Co. off the fucking deep end kinda gives it away.
LIFE LESSON #237: If someone uses the word negotiable in their Craigslist ad - move the fuck on to the next one or prepare to doomsday prep on Valtrex & Clorox bleach. Discounts are temporary. War-torn genitals arent.
Spanked, groped & forced to eat bargain bin pizza toppings. If it wasn't for the pity squeeze, I'd wager this was gonna go from lolniceboner.mp4 to Last Known Video of Becky Stankalottapuss Alive pretty damn fast.
...to stop using the grocery store's dental aisle to reach her O-face. Shit lady, ever heard of Amazon? We'll go ahead donate the full $585.00 just to see you go 1 on 1 with this WOMB WRECKER and leave Colgate out of this war.
Sleaziest Blonde gets injected with enough farm-fresh penis pudding to short circuit Bill Cosby. Followed by a shit-eating grin across her face. Some seriously thrilling ways to lose your Fruit Loops in this one folks. I promise.
Before today there were two things I was totally certain of. 1) Florida is the unwashed crotch of the US of A. And 2) $37 doesn't get you anywhere in Buenos Aires. He proved me wrong once, but there will be no duplication.
As fate would have it, handing out rusty tugboats to guys that consider bratwurst one of the elite food groups, isn't the high profile, second source of income she originally thought it out to be. Live, learn & sanitize, BECKY.
[tip: scroll to bottom of page for link] You know that thin piece of skin that separates the inside of a vagina from the rusty turntable? Well, her two costars just accidentally thrusted straight fucking through it. #diapers4life
Sneed's Feed and Seed houses 30 cows & more chickens than a French battalion. READ: Not a place to test your vaginal limits. But when you have 900 Patreons & a full bottle of penicillin, capacity isnt a concern. Its destiny.
Another incident where some introductory pornstar is left with a smoking O-ring because she failed to follow the #1 rule of dancing the B-hole Boogaloo: "Grease Keeps the Peace" member that, & you'll always be 'aight.
Refreshing to see tourism is still booming for our brothers below the equator. Now lets go ahead and get these gentleman under contract for the Ghostbusters reboot. I'm seeing 103 inches of Oscar winners here.