Somewhere between chivalry & the main star having a more objectionable gunt than the NFL draft, I've lost the desire to masturbate. But one thing is for sure: Buzzfeed's loathsome content has officially been 1-upped today.
Now if only he put as much effort into his camerawork, as she did making me regret every woman I've slipped the 'ole waffle dolphin inside of (see: 3.5 regrets) maybe we wouldn't be expecting a directors cut of this fine fuckery.
[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
Before today, I was certain of a few things. 1) Pennywise could never make me ejaculate. And B) The i slipped a stiffy-uh into my mother-uh videos would have been a thing of the past in 2018. Batting 0% feelsbadman.gif
LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
You see all these videos of girls too scared to hit a Wendy's drive-thru with a homemade glaze. Then u have Maria Leonne... giving less than zero shits & takes more loads in public than a New York City dump truck. #trendkiller
All-Terrain Vehicle Porn - It's the stepping stone in becoming tube sock material in 2018. Most women have little issue adapting, while I'm sitting here waiting for the video where Gizmoduck hate-fucks a zebra titled: Dick Tales: Woo-oo
Increasingly disturbing fetish keeps picks up more steam, but this time the female is a total swipe-right. Her snargleburger gets more attention than a Worldcup overtime game & all I can do is wonder why. New Jersey's finest.
Certainly not the first time this hypebeast has staged an attack on Anal Island, and clearly not the last. Feel free to experiment next time - maybe deposit a Twinkie beforehand? It's called The Moist Gremlin. I invented it.
Flattery is not exactly my strong point, but I gotta say: chick is bangin' yo. I'd gladly chew Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Ninja Turtles Edition out of Usain Bolts post-200 meter relay asshole just for a chance to hold her hand at KFC.
Mayli/Amelia Wang: Daughter of Vice President of Goldmann Sachs. Rich, classical pianist, an artist. Then bitch does a life-ruining facial abuse scene for $200 just to stick it to daddy. Made me understand women a lot better.