My gut instinct tells me the era of slasher movies is undoubtedly dead when the practical effects guys take jobs like this. Freddy vs. Jason was bad... but it wasn't turn my fucking torso into a 3' tall penis fly trap bad.
You know you're in the golden age of porn when someone hires Tom Savini for a scene. Too bad the novelty of a 3rd hole wears off pretty quick when it's got the height-to-width ratio of a paper shredder.
It's all fun and games until you've had sexual intercourse with a pirate. Shit gets real when Captain Barbossa snaps off his prosthesis and makes a b-line for her v-hole... but there's no backing down here.
Everybody is born with a gift. Clearly his is having the Optimus Prime of genitalia. Watch in utter amazement as nothing more than a single-handed choke hold transforms his Oscar Mayer into a portobello mushroom.
She's pretty cute right up until her orgasm. Her face and noises kill the majestic boner she had created just seconds earlier. Also, don't worry, it's cool guys, they checked her identification card and we're free to fap.
Good call on the medical grade latex gloves. Those wheelchair-bound, mentally incapacitated boys are notorious for their legions of sexual partners. You just dodged herpes, AIDS, maybe even breast cancer.
This is wrong. More wrong than the time I defecated a weeks worth of BK value meals into the VHS case of Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and slipped it down a Blockbuster drop-box. Actually no, that was hilarious.
This is what happen when your only sexual companion is your pet. When you finally fuck a real woman you just can't handle it. Hmmm this actually explains the 'squeal like a pig' scene out of Deliverance. I'm on to something here.