A service bulletin for our lady viewers. Next time you feel like exposing your blown out tator tot to the general public, be sure to load up Instagram live first. Maybe you'll discover something you all lack - sophistication motherfuckers.
There's no better way to celebrate your final day of freedom than by cramming a bottle of Pepsi's finest in the tuna mitten of a $14.00 hooker. They went for an assisted goal, but she insisted max capacity was already reached. UH HUH...
There's 2 things I try my best no to do: 1.) masturbate in Burger King's drive-thru. And 2.) bullshit my viewers. That said, this video is pretty basic. But hey - the genitals are youthful & the humiliation is non-existent. Good enough for me.
Some people will watch this and see a beautiful free spirit. Others will shower their routers in ammonia and set their monitor on fire. But me? All I see is a girl that gives 0 fucks about gender neautral bathrooms. Call me Mr. Positivity.
damn son, check out the dimensions on him. You may have a confusing dream or 2 about being bludgeoned to death by it. Big emphasis on death. The graveyard would be a guarantee if you were to sword fight Captain Black Sparrow over here.
She seems like a nice girl. The type that'd throw herself off a government building if you missed a text, or fuck the mailman if your Instagram post got 0 likes. But her enthusiasm? I've seen happier faces cleaning the toilets at Renaissance Fairs.
Bangin is bangin: I don't discriminate. But I bet you $3 buckaroonies and half of this Barbacoa Butt Burrito she had no idea any of this could be pleasurable. You can literally see her transform from :( to :| with every uppercut to the uterus.
Flattery is not exactly my strong point, but I gotta say: chick is bangin' yo. I'd gladly chew Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Ninja Turtles Edition out of Usain Bolts post-200 meter relay asshole just for a chance to hold her hand at KFC.
You just can't go back after this. She'll forever be known as the super THOT of Bumblefuck Alabama. She's essentially a walking, twitching Reddit activist for open sexuality... yet stays in good spirit knowing this vid is going straight to IG.
Maybe "jealous" is the wrong word... as it would imply she gives half a shit about her public image. Trust me when I say she doesn't. I've been inside a Las Vegas White Castle at 2:00AM. I know what antipathy and diseased meat looks like.
I've seen a lot of desperation in my day... but damn near 4 fucking hours of mid-production skin flicks trying to pass themselves off as revenge porn? I would say the Internet has officially reached a new low... but buzzfeed.com still exists.
How/Why semi-concious females go on the hunt for ding dongs that can literally rearrange their organs is beyond my knowledge. Clearly Arya Fae's parents didn't raise no bitch. Now... call Shaquille o'Neal and lets finish this snuff film right.
Call her what you will: Gianna Dior, Divine Box... I prefer the moniker "the reason I have to apply aloe vera to my penis every 3-5 hours". Never before has a pornstar made me proud of the reward points I earned shopping exclusively at Walgreens.
Aspiring English professor by day, Chaturbate trainee by... mid-day. Apparently this is legit, but I have skepticism like Tom Cruise has homosexuality. Despite the location and her reasonably-priced cardigan attire... I'm still calling bullshit.
Oh it's that girl again. You know... the only female that has danced on the line of fucking the mentally challenged for so long, you've now become attracted to people that shop at Walmart? We truly have nobody but ourselves to blame.