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Silly slut. You can't expect your stories of moonshine flavored incest to put a dent in this guy's sympathy. Dude makes a living off girls like you, who majored in lesbian dance theory for 4 years, then end up here.
Homie tried suffocating his side piece with 2lbs of negro boner but she ain't having it. His approach may be top shelf, but this is the esophagus of a true alpha female. Not even the ole Steven Segal throat hug can stop her
Gain 125 pounds, give Ash Ketchum his outfit back and get a fetish that doesn't end with being tucked in after your homework, and maybe then we can talk about 'virginal superiority' you Butthead-lookin motherfucker.
Not since the release of The Human Centipede have I seen a person's genitals put into such a 1-sided battle. She fucked the Terminator of ass rippage, cries real tears & has a stage-walkoff that'd make Axl Rose blush.
Ever witness a housewife buckin' like a Russian gymnast being bulldozed by Patrick Ewing? More importantly, who has a bigger penis: Kanye West or Lindsay Lohan?
This girl's resilience is certifiably insane. Submissive, low-maintenance personality too. I want to hug her. I want to punch her. I want to spoon all 74 zesty flavors of Ben & Jerry's out of her asshole. In that order.
CGI? Butt implants? Life-long addiction to Baconators? I don't give a single fuck. Just imagine her spreading eagle and doing the The Galloping Horse on your Kosher pickle. The ejaculatory damage would require FEMA.
Floozy blonde sneaks one up her own nasal cavity, but this isn't your typical one trick circus act. From there on, it's a battle of braincells as Joey Bagodonuts goes gonad exploring... and let me tell you, there aint many.
LIFE LESSON #193: If you're significant other considers butter a food group, keep her the fuck away from streets named after Martin Luther King Jr. The last time she bucked this hard, a rodeo clown lost his life.
This is harder to see than Bill Cosby after a martini. So you need to pay attention... and if you figure out why a female decided the Pump House indoor waterpark shithouse was the place to do this, holla atchya boi.
I wont BS you, this Jerry Springer starter kit is pretty lackluster. But something about girl #two speaks to me in a she's sucked dick for chicken nuggets kind of way.
Pedro Sanchez dropped 20lbs, grew the hair out and traded in his bicycle for a GTX 980. Now that you've mastered Look-Like-a-Gardener-101, how about taking a course on laying pipe? Your girl looks pretty bored bro
Riku gets a black dong to the dome after committing to a Craigslist ad titled 'need a queen cuz we wuz KANGS'. This is actually the favorable outcome for a girl that solicits her pho-bowl on the Internet. GL w/ the crabs.
I've never seen this chick cave before, no matter how big the cock. It's as if her vaginal canal is made of Teflon, with more square footage than James Van Deer Beek's forehead. But after seeing this, I'm not so sure.
I've seen some questionable shit in my 15+ years of Internetting. Venezuelan dolphin porn, sexually explicit photos of the girl from Precious, 2 minutes of 2016's Ghostbusters. But this? This gave my dick Alzheimer's.
Nice tits. Impressive in fact. But tilt your head 6 inches north of nipple nirvana and all you'll see is Iggy Pop... sans beard and plus a whole lotta extra chromosomes.
Same thing every time: Your TINDER date finally agrees to ride the rawhide, but "only after I talk to Captain Morgan". Listen up you kooky cunt: Booze + sex isn't the celestial combination R. Kelly makes it out to be.
I guess deepthroating isn't considered challenging when you have the dimensions/texture of a vienna sausage. Lesson learned: Never try to impress a girl that's probably used a live bear cub as toilet paper. #russia