Downside to MILFS having a mid-life crisis? Every time you try reliving her youth, the menopausal bitch fest comes roaring through. Then there's the other end of the spectrum: Mom's with foot-longs, but no time to use 'em.
There's something endearing about a girl that has the pain tolerance of an NFL linebacker. Her talents scream give me 6 months, and my butthole will be a footlocker for Mexican cartels. Clearly we're looking at wife material.
Skip to the 0:22 mark. The part where he goes Golden Retriever on her zombie crotch. If those lesions don't scream "i've had sexual relations with dogs, donkeys and/or Katy Perry", I really can't tell you what does.
How this girl was convinced to double fuck half the cast of No Country For Old Men is beyond me, but I bet my bottom shilling it had something to do with maxed out credit cards, and an unorthodox addiction to Cialis. GG
This is ridiculous. Not lol-ridiculous like a chunk of society identifying as non-binary lesbian attack helicopters. She has zero reaction to being gutted like a sturgeon, and I keep waiting for David Attenborough's explanation.
Dare give your pocket change to a girl with one of these things crammed up her barking walrus, and you'll be rewarded with more shakes than an epileptic with a day pass to Six Flags. SPOILER ALERT: Bitches be faking.
Reminds me of the time I finally gamed that redhead at Baskin Robbins with the clubbed foot, and miscalculated my mother's arrival time. Not since Forest Gump, have I seen someone with a disability run so damn fast.
Hilarity strikes when a day-laborer notices two triple-D's swinging in the distance, and feels the sudden urge to flog the dolphin. Fuck the customer service line at Walmart, this deviant just found his target audience HAHA.
No rectal penetration... but trust when I say anal stimulation was achieved faggit. Lavar's elephant tusk makes contact with all erogenous zones, no matter the entry point. That's the primary benefit of weighing 71.5 lbs.
Take your average Old Navy cashier, incentivize her with 4 minutes of Facebook Live fame and 2 complimentary strains of HPV, and this is what you get. Apply all yogurt-based lubricants and gift cards accordingly.
Wife has second thoughts about the butthole boogaloo, right as he's about to shoot some tadpoles at the moon. But there's no escape, she voluntarily submits. In other words: This is a PSA on the importance of communication.
I'll forgive the lack of tits in this video. I understand your need for attention. But cutting off the petting zoo fantasy BEFORE stepping foot into the Madagascar exhibit? ZERO STARS, you blue-balling, distrustful shit pigeon.
WOW. Between having the penis of a guinea pig, and the hairline of Danny Devito, I don't know what this Idaho spud fuck was thinking. Whattaya guess he titled this for home use? 'Caterpillar Cock Campaign #3'?? HAHA
Shame this girl doesn't make videos anymore. A damn crying shame. Never again will we see this level of excitement when it comes to colonizing the brown planet. Today's fap will be followed by a moment of silence. RIP.
Consider this a pleasant reminder that if you think you're really good at something, an Asian is already doing it better. Especially ones that can multitask a 4.0 GPA and more sausage than a birthday party in New Jersey.