You can go ahead and brag about your 13 pounds of lethal force all you want. If you're not using it to turn white vagina into a bowl of Bob Evans Mashed Potatoes, it's about as useful as an eye test is to this girl.
Cute Girls + Public Exploration: It's a combo 2nd only to Souplantation and Charmin Ultra Soft. Add the rush of getting caught busting one out next to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and you got wife material my friend.
The unwritten rules of the practicing date rapist: #1 Lack of hygiene, #2 Looking as much like Iggy Pop as possible and #3 Outdoing WWE's last PPV n both precision and dynamic move sets. Looks like this scumquat is 3 for 3.
Just skip to the 7:25 mark and pay close to attention to the artifacts of yestercock. Calling him BETA MALE OF THE CENTURY is the compliment of a lifetime. To all dairy connoisseurs of Inhumanity: You have been warned.
When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
Performance issues? Birth defect? Genetically designed to look like the result of crossbreeding Will Sasso with an eggplant? I don't know, but homeboy had enough softness in his erection to use it as a throw rug lol
It's a shame they didn't take this a step further and use their natural resistance to pain and turn her crusty doughnut into a cut of roast beef the diameter of a Mazda Miatia. Then maybe I could have ejaculated today...
LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
Her I only buy clothes on clearance at Forever21 and herbel remedies for yeast infections look is on-point. She's also in critical need of a climax from something that doesn't need 12 volts to operate. #desperategirlisdesperate
How many times have I said "sweet mother of Hulk fucking Hogan, this Asian girl just turned me off to the entire female gender"? Ninety seven. How many times did I actually mean it? ZERO. Until today. #TRIGGERED
Antonio does in 1 minute what takes the customer service line at Walmart an entire afternoon to do: Completely crushes and eradicate a white girl's spirit. Don't get swindled by the thumbnail, you have not seen this version.
a.k.a small wiener compensation. It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian cafe get discouraged by their girl's lack of excitement. Sounding like the immigrant from That 70's Show is optional.
I appreciate the complete lack of respect for strangers, hell some of you might encourage it... but his sudden transformation into a special-needs autismo in the last 5 seconds is concerning. Ring Dr. Phil, I have an inquiry.
Dude's got the pumping power of emaciated cocker spaniel. Know what that means? He's the Forest Whitaker of Santa Cruz university. And what better way to assert your dominance than to backdoor a 75lb snowflake?
A penis that needs it's own life boat, and an insanely high tolerance for pain. If there ever was an instructional video on why to lock the fucking door in public places, I'd declare these two just laid the groundwork for a sequel.
Teeth like a chupacabra, haircut by Hot Topic and the body of a boy scout. If there was ever an instructional video on why NOT to make a sex tape, I'd say this skeeter just opened up the door for a remastered box set trilogy.
Defined as: "a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience" And that's just ONE paragraph of his Plenty of Fish profile.
I'll ignore the potato quality. I'll look past him fucking like a malnourished ostrich. But continuing a 90's fashion trend that died with Tim Burton's last bowel movement? That's gonna be a NO from me you degenerate shitbags.
The one time that solid 5 on Tinder isn't catfishing you, she turns around and demands you do more abhorrent shit than an episode of The View. I'd continue this rant, but I have unfinished business with a bottle of Pert Plus.