In hindsight, his future of being casted in the Harry and the Henderson's reboot would've been just as humiliating as this act of penis de résistance. But Hollywood doesn't have a 3" Jason Statham. Make that resume count.
Her claim to fame is deplorable, and that front seat probably smells like a Chinese cat house. But when the pants come off at 0:34 seconds, her hips look like they can survive giving birth to Danny Devito & its fuckin beautiful.
If there's 1 thing short-haired white wimmen are really good at, aside from demanding special treatment at discount clothing stores, it's living out depraved sexual fantasies. And this one just boggles my fucking mind.
44 fucking minutes of footage, and I still don't know if this girl is a dwarf or I'm getting hoodwinked my creative camera angles again. Luckily, my family-sized jug of coconut oil has run dry and I've already stopped caring.
My gut instinct tells me this technology isn't going away anytime soon... but I do find the idea of beating Slovakian hookers to death with this thing in Grand Theft Auto 7: 3D VR compelling. Consider me pre-ordered, Rockstar.
Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this went from mildly amusing to, "it's time to stop" pretty damn quickly. Tipping point involves an ass to mouth audible plan B rejection after failing to fly the dick ship to Uranus.
This is actually standard British "I can't be arsed to dig up 17£ for my own hooker, so I'm gonna watch you do it for free" syndrome. Fortunately, this time we have a gentleman showing us the ropes. u da man Sebastian
So what do we have here? Stunned by the feels of reverse birth, or the start of a snuff film? Dunno, but 1 thing's certain: if anal is in her future, she best have a solid insurance plan. I'm talkin rectal trauma, of the prolapse variety.
Mental disorders pardon all: test scores, bad hygiene, Kathy Griffin. But hes got chromosomes like Tiger Woods has hangovers & I dont know to laugh, or press charges for stealing my patented 'no-handed buzzsaw' seen @18:48
Hey, no one said you had to like it. Just sit back, keep a firm grip on that vinegar flavored oyster bag and think about all the 360 no-scopes you'll be hitting as soon as you're done. That's what gets me to the end of the week.
At first I was like wow, this guy is an asshole for letting a roommate go crab appling in his girlfriend's butthole, unprotected. I was actually worried until I realized what year it is. Five words y'all: stillbetterthanfidgetspinning.
yeaaa, I'm thinking it might be best if you just leave the incestual fantasies to the experts. Your acting is 2/10 at best, and that thing you got between your legs looks like something even a Jewish butcher wouldn't discount.
[Her] Perfect 10. Flawless
[Him] Genetically configured to look like a carrot
Final Thought: It wasn't meant to be. But somewhere between attention whoring, and above-average penis sizes... they managed to find TRU LUV.
Middle-age hit her like a sack of 80's exercise vids, & she needs cash. How can life get worse? If u guessed being told to suck dick by the Dane Cook of porn directors, you just won my limited edition Power Ranger Kevlar vest.
See that face at the 3:40 mark? I'm familiar with that face. It's the why the fuck did I leave my tenure at IHOP for this? face. lol no shit lady. 1.) Butter Pecan syrup is FIRE 2.) You wouldn't be the new poster girl for feminism.
Early-model pornstar, and anal apprenticeship not required. Just find an open-minded member of a local sanctuary city, lure him in with promises of kentucky fried gift cards and let the surgical repair of vital organs begin.
Here it is: The greatest attempt at eroticism to ever grace western culture. The struggles are relatable, his investigative skills are second to none, and the vagina... Well, the vagina taste like soap. Get the Oscar nomination.
Not since 1982's The Thing have I seen a remake outdo the original in every way. She's stacked like a Denny's Grand Slam, fucks all over the place and makes Jessica Alba look/smell like Sarah Jessica Parker. #oscarworthy
Downside to MILFS having a mid-life crisis? Every time you try reliving her youth, the menopausal bitch fest comes roaring through. Then there's the other end of the spectrum: Mom's with foot-longs, but no time to use 'em.