the 'ole charlie sheen technique
Impressive tolerance on her part TBH. She's got that my uncle and dad are the same person, so I listen to System of a Down on vinyl look down pat. Just curious: Does chlamydia cancel itself out if you get it twice or?
How to make ur silly fetish porn better? Feature a guy over 5' tall & get some closeups. Thats what we really want: sexual assault vicariously through the Internet. Not watch Johnny Shortdick stumble through puberty.
2 beers turn this rookie into the Jim Lahey of live-in girlfriends. First, she attempts to mark the futon, then she moves to the kitchen to deposit her wonderpuss. I think Budweiser just found itself it's new spokeswoman.
Same thing every time: Your TINDER date finally agrees to ride the rawhide, but "only after I talk to Captain Morgan". Listen up you kooky cunt: Booze + sex isn't the celestial combination R. Kelly makes it out to be.
Cute girl has an unpredictable FML moment after realizing her love interest has worse social skills then a fucking potato. Lesson learned: Never mess with a homosexual in flip flops. Dignity left a long time ago.
Amy Schumer Jr. went overboard on the daiquiris, and now she stands about as much chance at penetration as Stephen Hawking. There goes her future as 'chubby girl #2' in the popular "Porn I Can't Jack off to" series.
The unwritten rules of the practicing polygamist: #1 Hygiene, #2 Laying off Sonic's hand-mixed milkshake menu prior to engagement (trust me) and #3 fucking hygiene. Looks like Oliver Twist back there is 1 for 3.
Behind-the-scenes of a Ruski skin flick, where a camera man tries regulating two skankaroonies with a blood alcohol level of ∞%. Optimum humiliation is achieved when culprit #1 kamikazes Vladimir's 27" flat screen.
Carlos "pussy slayer" Garcia got himself one of those deluxe Nokia phones that shoots video and he's gonna show us just how cool life is... by turning the hose on a femi-beaner that downed about 9 too many Four Lokos.
In 2 minutes flat this self-entitled shit stain goes from having fun to newest member of the talk shit - get hit club. Some people may call this domestic assault. But teh bro throwing right crosses calls it equal opportunity.
It's the same shit every time. Your side piece finally agrees to do anal, but "only if I git drunk first". Listen up you cockamamie hoe. Bacardi Breezers + buttlove don't mix. This bitch didn't even make it past the door.
At first I was like "wow, she's unconscious, she's totally gonna get raped". I was actually worried, up until the camerabro did me the disservice of zooming in on her genitals. 6 words: protective layer of atomic wet-fart.
Two trashy fucks get caught fooling around on camera by an inarguably even trashier fuck - who generously provides play-by-play narration and some heartfelt commentary like "give him some head bitch".
2 appletinis turn this skag into the Free Willy of all whores. 1st she hops in the SUV of a total stranger, then she accosts a man for declining her wonderpuss. I think Vagisil just found itself a new spokesmodel.
Have you ever seen a woman overdose on jaegerbombs + Vagisil @ the Luxor casino, joyride the elevator to the 245th floor and ultimately stumble upon a private sex party hosted by TV legend John Stamos? Me too.
You ever wonder how the fuck some of these women take 14 inch cocks up their ass without even so much as wincing? Spoiler: they all pop pills, usually followed by alcohol. Oxycontin + MD 20/20 = this dumb bitch.
Skip to the 1.10 mark. Even when she's piss drunk, blondie still has her concerns about possible stank seeping out of Twat Town. Cant fault her for being a considerate lover. If half the women I've ate out cared this much about hygiene, I'd still have taste buds.
To compensate for her lack of dance skills (sorry, hopping around like a retard doesn't count), this little slut busts out her ass and titties. Hordes of douchebags quickly gather for the free show.