Intercourse: It's pretty simple stuff. But for Goober McBallbag, it might as well be mission impossible. Not even after 5 consecutive attempts at penetration does he get close to vaginal satisfaction. Lawd have mercy.
This ones special. Her face says i only date guys named Lemarcus and i lost my virginity to a vending machine. But from the neck down she has the body of a pornstar. A blind pornstar. From Guatamala #marryme
Dude tries to sneak one up his GF's sinus canal, but she ain't having it. His approach may be weak but those are the wads of a true alpha male. Not even her attempts at a penile full nelson stops them from entering flight.
This is 2 parts thriller, 12 parts comedy gold. Confusion begins halfway in, when chumpo yanks his penis out and delivers a C&D to her squash box. Said dipshit then facepalms and legitimately cries. Y? My thesis: HE GAY.
Straight outta Tijuana and new to the pickpocket scene, this untrained shit stain stuck his hand on the wrong culo and paid for it big time. His punishment? Humiliation involving all 1.7 inches of his tator tot HAHA
Nothing says 'i luv you' quite like 1 fluid ounce of unannounced fapple juice straight to the tonsils. Let's just say the wifey is less than appreciative, but that's cool. Brunettes are hotter when they're angry anyway.
Chumpo thinks the worst time on Earth to go limper than wet toilet paper is worth filming. Sorry pal, brag about teh sluts all you want: If you can't fuck 'em, ur about as useful as Charlie Sheen at a blood drive.
Interesting combination. Did she agree to do this scene solely for the challenging of overcoming an 18-year-old already cursed with ED? Or is Aspergers a fetish now?
Fueled by mental disability, these heavy-breathing fun seekers construct an excess amount (SEE: 1) of DIY love dolls. Imagine if you could get these things in a Chernobyl sweatshop - that's what they're mating with.
Ever watch Dumb and Dumber To? Me neither... but if they were to make a pornographic spinoff with Megan Fox, it might look something like this. Denied entry times: 12:20, 20:15 and Custer's last stand @ 23:30.
She sucks, he shoots, she gags. As a result I'm not really sure who's to blame here: Her nitwitted ass for thinking she could be a p-star and not get put in front of a seminal firing squad, or Bruno's all-asparagus diet.
Our main man Amjad is a master of two things: Taxi cab navigation and cooking up the meanest tikka masala this side of the prime meridian. Unfortunately neither of these abilities aid in correct condom usage. RIP Amjad.
1st time D-sucker foolishly assumes her job is over and breathes a sigh of relief... only to be shot in the mouth with another wad of Esposito's gold reserve. A choice is needed: gulp or ruin Macy's finest Egyptian bed sheets.
S'n some D only has a few rules: Minimal teeth usage and keep the c-rings away from all other jewelry. Not a hard list but this backpage.com alumni decides to test fate anyway, resulting in an epic rage quit. GG NO RE
She's pushing 200lbs and thinks NASCAR is entertaining. How can life possibly get any worse? If you guessed "getting tag teamed by guys that have less respect for the female body than Bill Cosby" you're a winner.
First timer has a minor FML moment after realizing her costar bust nuts that could stop forest fires. Luckily she handles it like a pro. And by pro, I mean spitting up enough protein to turn Bill Nye into Brock fuckin' Lesnar.
Rodrigo, you dimwitted fuck. There are 2 things you simply don't mess with in life: #1. Seth Green during his menstrual cycle and #2. Women who willingly pierce their clitoris multiple times. You asked for this one brah.