Josefina cut corners trying to emulate her hero. Turns out the $25 special at an Islamic plastic surgeon isn't the high ticket item originally thought. Now she's gotta live the rest of her life looking like Tim Burton's asshole LOL
Here's an ice-breaker I picked up while watching an infomercial for Vince Offer's Slapchop: "you're gonna love my nuts". Gentleman-like behavior is how people end up at Nickelback concerts, not Goldilocks' thighs.
Drop the SJW death stare, pick a more suitable location and give that haircut back to the yorkshire terrier you scalped... then maybe we'll talk about getting you in on some of the action next time you depraved bulldagger.
There's a thin line between acceptable Facebook profile photos and wrist-deep rectal slaughter. Where that line exists, I don't know... but judging by the decorative wall piece behind them I can guarantee girlie #1 does.
The Denny's waitress during the day, stripper-at-night starter kit we can tolerate. Shit, we encourage it. But what's not supporting blood flow to my nether regions is a bite mark that may or may not smell like Fixodent.
CGI? Butt implants? Life-long addiction to Taco Bell Pintos & Cheese? I don't even care. Just imagine her arching out and doing the frog squat on your Slim Jim. You'll cum so hard your semen will pelt the ceiling.
$4 and a zip folder of sexually suggestive photos of House M.D. says this dude gets recognized. Sorry friend, the glory days of you wearing your daughters underwear as a Mexican wrestling mask are over.
At first I was like "damn, I wish that was my GF", but upon deeper contemplation I realized her talents would be completely wasted on my 5.4 inch penis. Cue 'Screaming Infidelities' by Dashboard Confessional.
Ever watch Charlie & The Chocolate Factory? Each of this woman's knockers used to be the size of an Augustus Gloop. Somehow she failed to see this for the divine blessing it was and instead chopped em off. Boo.
How to make your silly art shit 100x better: do headshots on the left and close-ups of the asshole on the right. That's what people really want. To match a face to a turd cutter. Not American Apparel ads.
The snail trail fermenting in your cotton underwears I can tolerate. Shit, some folks might even find that erotic. But what's not erotic is the menstrual stains encrusted into your... well, you'll see.
Small request to Jesus/Muhammad/Ed O'Neil - if there's anyway my nose could swap places with that small section of g-string that's hugging her tender anus... my buy 2 get 1 free Arby's coupon is all yours.
Fuckin hell, she's hot. So hot I'd give up my limited edition Tony the Tiger Nike Dunks just to have a lick on the crotch portion of her latex whorefit. Feel free to blush bitch, it's the compliment of a lifetime.
So that $50 special for double D's was too good to be true after all? Hmmm. Perhaps next time you feel like blowing your entire life savings.. maybe spend it more wisely? like how about some new sticks for your wall?