A Cardi B cocktail, Walmart toilet seats and discounted Rice-a-Roni at a swap meat: All things I'd commit to before slapping a ring on the talons of one of these harpies. Pay attention boys: One day it might be half of YOUR Amiibo collection.
Never underestimate the benefits of a 3-star YELP hotel that recycles toilet paper. You may leave with a more diseased crotch than all 97-years of Madonna's world tours combined... but the stories you'll be able to tell will be legendary. #facts
This is what happens when your competition pushes you too far. Bloodlines are contaminated, confused boners are erected - all because some kooky bitch couldn't keep her hands on her own tits. Watch the full show HERE
I'm all for refusing to spend the extra $7.00 on a 3 pack of Magnums, but for real: if she doesn't start scouting better company eventually she'll end up on Maury Povich... and then it's "MISSION FAILED" a la Metal Gear Solid.
Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such seminal fortitude. She's got standards brah. Know who doesn't have standards? THIS WIND TUNNEL. #sendhelp
Degenerate hoebag works feverishly to get sexually assaulted by a guy with more V's in his name than a Russian dictionary... and doesn't come close to succeeding. Enjoy your 0-star YELP review Victor Vahdeem Vyachvyeslahv!
Overt drug use, public squabblenecking, 60FPS cameras... this video is more well-rounded than the list of STDS on her Tinder profile. No kicker, but wat it lacks in surprises... it makes up for in the worst dirty talk you'll hear ever.
Only 2 people should never be caught doing the forbidden fox trot: Lindsay Lohan in her 'i'll snort Clorox' phase, and this girl. She's 19, anti-semen and dumber than a mailbox on Sunday. In other words: she was BORN for Efukt.
Easy on the eyes, but her attention whoring puts a Kardashian to shame. 1 dick? k. 2 I get after a round of wine spritzers - but in front of 1,200 people? Bitch, if I wanted to see livestock, I'd get my ban lifted from The Bronx Zoo.
For a moment, I was starting to lose faith in a fat ass white girl's ability to control the male population. Then I was introduced to a pair of hips with the kind of width Boeing has failed to produce in 100 years. story here
This bitch is the Nelson Mandela of hooking up, but her BFF ain't having it. I thought I was a charitable dude after donating 2 1/2 bags of Hot Cheetos to my local soup kitchen. Thats diddly fuckin dick compared to this.
Skank gives her best hootenanny to a guy that gets more enthusiastic about colonoscopies than pussy. Sorry Briellalynn, Ordinance 175-D41 strictly prohibits citizens from acquiring chlamydia twice in one month.
Downside of marrying prostitutes from russiabride.com? Every dick in a three-mile radius is using your 9-5 to unload some nut sac gazpacho on your S/O. And don't even get me started on those ridiculous storage fees.
6:53: The thing u see on this douche-a-roonie's cock is called beading. Defined as: Body modification to boost sexual stimulation, and increase right-swipes on GRINDR. Dude straight up bedazzled his pork sword.
Two mugs worth of Germany's finest lagers, and this ladies mouth turns into a portable glory hole. I'm talking blowjobs, community service style. So disgraceful you'd think she was running for president of the US and A.
Gotta like how amateur sex taping has rapidly evolved from basic vaginal perforation, into WHO CAN GIVE MY GIRLFRIEND AN STD 1ST. I can't even consider it porn. This is a stranger danger public service announcement.
Nothing spells W-H-O-R-E like a half dozen servings of Bavarian creme. FACTS: She has not, and will not say no to any dick, contraceptive is restricted, and shame? Well... that's as alien to her as deodorant in Mumbai.
FACT: Men prefer a petite Hispanic with an anus full of fabric softener in their EconoLodge fantasies. Meet the exception: shes 30+, has tits like Deebo has lazy eyes and her policy on race-relation is top notch. More here