Nevermind the fact that he looks like he lost his virginity to a Hulk Hogan body pillow. I just wanna know why he went for The Baltimore Handshake when another $20 would have gotten him fast-lane access to clam city.
Never have I seen a man do something so disrespectful with such grace. Where there's shame, he shows honor. Where there's suffering, he brings comfort. And where there's romance, well... he really doesn't GAF, HAHA.
A quick romp in the ole' spaghetti house goes south once this derpo realizes she needs to reevaluate her choice in birth control. But blinded by peer pressure & $1.75, she goes on. The result? A Tampax commercial.
Tina Belcher's safe space gets invaded by some dude taking his mushroom to the park, but accidentally found love instead. Does she: 1) Call da police 2) trade gazpacho recipes or c) take Shia Ladork's advice. This ones easy.
There's a pretty darn good reason why she prefers the season pass on the mahogany mud slide. A darn good reason indeed. 3 dollarinos and my slightly used Xena: Warrior princess sex doll await if you guess what it is.
Antonio gets a little too caught up in the moment and tries to double-down his money with a nimble A-T-M maneuver. Turns out the poo poo a la carte is not much appreciated by his lady friend. Mission success.
Is this a genuine proposition? No. What you should really be asking is: If Amy Schumer was to crowbar open her whisker biscuit, would it be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?
Pretty embarrassing eh? Too bad thats no amateur. It's Molly Jane double dippin the biscuit. Haven't heard of her yet? I'll just say this: That mouth has seen more controversial dick in public than New Years' Rockin Eve.
If only he put as much effort in his camera equipment, as he did in forcing volcanic yogurt explosions, maybe we wouldn't be jacking off to Sega CD-quality full motion video right now. Up your game motherfucker.
If anything my tenure in porno has taught me, it's all Asian women a.) squeal like a chipmunk in a blender or b.) hang closer to the knee than Andrew Lloyd Webber. You're just gonna have to 50/50 chance this one.
Kinda looks like Dana Scully & the expression @ 6:52 is all the boner food I'll need today. But this isn't for lulz. More for awareness. By always cocking to the left, this is the closest a straight man will ever get to NASCAR.
Everything looks great at first... real great. But 3.9 minutes in, it becomes pretty apparent why most of this video is filmed from the neck downward. Tits by Brazzers, haircut by the three fucking stooges LOL
Being held hostage by a post-op a-hole? Sounds like his birthday came early. That is, until he realizes this culo hits like Mike Tyson on payday. The aroma of quepapas may fade, but the complimentary rhinoplasty is forever.
Sexual sideshow derailed when a stripper makes an unexpected visit to La'Vons dirt dungeon. Life Lesson #293: When someone writes hoop dreams on their BlackPeopleMeet profile, it's not always about basktball.
It's all fun & games until you give a 27-year-old YOLO enthusiast a colossal erection. He was given 0 access to the fur burger, he went for the 2 finger handshake. Some call it sexual assault. I prefer "breaking the ice".
Ass like Nicki Minaj? Shameless, nude self-promotion on Twitter? The majority of you have already clicked by now, without catching a view of the churro de maricon dangling up front. If you must blame, blame yourself.