Short list of things I value in life: Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care and inexperienced females, like this one in particular. Tack on the fact that she looks like pre-Civil War Pepper Pots and we're talking perfection here.
When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
a.k.a small wiener compensation. It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian cafe get discouraged by their girl's lack of excitement. Sounding like the immigrant from That 70's Show is optional.
Mayli/Amelia Wang: Daughter of Vice President of Goldmann Sachs. Rich, classical pianist, an artist. Then bitch does a life-ruining facial abuse scene for $200 just to stick it to daddy. Made me understand women a lot better.
Ever seen a woman with the body of a college girl, and the face of customer service at Pep Boys, but still nutted a week's worth of hamburger helper into your favorite tube sock because you're trying new things? Me neither.
...to stop using the grocery store's dental aisle to reach her O-face. Shit lady, ever heard of Amazon? We'll go ahead donate the full $585.00 just to see you go 1 on 1 with this WOMB WRECKER and leave Colgate out of this war.
I've seen this configuration before: Cute Whole Foods cashier above the waist, John Deer lawn aerator below it. I'd contact my local feminist chapter for false advertising, but I've already filled my tube sock & it's time for bed.
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
Only 60 seconds into her movie debut, and this DTF-GF is already 86'ing the entire thing. Undoubtedly to keep her name credible in the community and around all things pumpkin spice-flavored. Talk about high-maintenance.
Camgirl Porn: Sometimes it's as exciting as an audio book of Newt Gingrich customizing a bowl at Chipotle. But throw in a pair of glasses and a girl that pays the vagisil bill with e-tokens, and it becomes BUENOS FAPPERINOS!
If there's 1 thing short-haired white wimmen are really good at, aside from demanding special treatment at discount clothing stores, it's living out depraved sexual fantasies. And this one just boggles my fucking mind.
My gut instincts tell me this is about as probable as Shia LaBeouf being properly medicated during business hours.. but I do find her full body dry-heaving, and fluid distribution kind of compelling. Thoughts?
If one thing never fails to get a metric fuckton of clicks, it's five-day legal squeeze bags. So here's 42 secs of the best ones you'll see all week. That's right, 42. As in the number of times I gotta wipe after Little Caesars 5 for $5.
Does anybody want to tell me the purpose of editing in the soundtrack of a Full House episode? Either her climax was legendary, or Uncle Jesse is out of frame with a handful of yogurt and a smile. Think about it.
This tart is a total tramp, but her talents aren't limited to crossing sexual preferences. Get a solid view of that anus and you'll be treated to the all you can eat brown buffet: 2 words Samantha: BUTT BLEACH. Run wit that.
This girl is the Napoleon Dynamite of public indecency (read: perfection). She probably doesn't even need to show any skin. Just watching here nerd out to the sniff test in stairwell 2B was enough to soggy my pantloons.
Yes, she's 18... and slightly defective. Really not sure what else to say about her. It's just another one of those geeky broads that's taken their obsession with Harry Potter spells a little bit too fucking far for me.
Meet deum0s. She has a look that could score mucho dollerinos in the corporate side of Instagram but she passed on that to persue the better things in life... like getting fucked to the soundtrack of Saw II. NAWICE.
She literally can't go 7 consecutive seconds without having to stop and scrunch her face like Michael Cera being bent over by an NFL linebacker. It's a condition. Us folks in the pronographic community call it cuntitis.