19-years-old and doesn't know what a vagina is. But what they lack in anatomy classes they make up for in... well... nothing. Even combined these two are completely fucking useless & I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After banging a good 85% of the Czech Republic's population, he finally broke unfamiliar ground: A mint condition hymen... and an uneducated one at that. She taps out quicker than me during the Baywatch movie.
There's something endearing about a girl that has the pain tolerance of an NFL linebacker. Her talents scream give me 6 months, and my butthole will be a footlocker for Mexican cartels. Clearly we're looking at wife material.
This is what happens when your e-stock hits the shitter. Cherries popped, jealousies are fueled - all cause some goofy bitch can't quit her Overwatch addiction and just go pro already. Oh and, this isn't her 1st charitable act.
Don't let the lack of sunlight and all-Hot Pocket diet fool you: He's a vagina assassin. We all have a calling in life, and after fucking the basic math skills out of this professional, Stewart knows what his is. FULL SCENE
20-year-old v-card owner suffering from serious Beavis and Butthead of the face breaks his cherry in legendary fashion: with a chick from Pornhub that couldn't keep his lego log hard with a cup of carbonite. HUMILIATION
So, who's to blame here? The farm that booby-trapped their perimeter to keep him away from the livestock, or the girl that should've known her charitable act would turn out more miserable than a 2 Broke Girls marathon?
To call this girl a 'virgin' would be the understatement of the year. Guadalupe can't even get her clitoris within 10 centimeters of physical contact before spazzing out like Andy Samberg being denied access to a glory hole.
Luckiest 18-year-old this side of Germania gets a b-day gift for the ages... Silicone-free, rentable-by-the-hour vagina. Look out world, for the next 4.5 action-packed minutes belong to Clovis 'take no prisoners' Hofmann.
Going mach-17 on your clitoris in order to produce your first non-Harry Potter related climax? Cool. Seizing up like you got tazed in the asshole with a car battery? Not so cool. What in the fuck did I just ejaculate to?