Damn, she's bangin. So bangin I'd give up my limited edition Taylor Swift coffee enema system just to have a lick of her waistline after a 5K. Feel free to redden those cheeks bitch, it's the compliment of a lifetime.
Flattery may not be my strong point, but I gotta say: chick is bangin yo. I'd gladly chew Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Ninja Turtles Edition out of Usain Bolts post-200 meter relay asshole just for a chance to hold her hand.
Infuckincredible. I bet youd slurp the corned beef hash from her Irish shithole, just to be in the same room as those vitamin-loaded honeydews. I'd even offer a swipe of my coveted Subway loyalty card just for a peek.
And by gangbang I mean 1 sexually inept man losing his virginity while Oscar De Lahoya's 2 cousins spectate. Only thing missing is a Mariachi band and one token black guy repeatedly screaming "wurlstar". (RIP Q)
...and by 'drunk' I mean one socially-deficient girl losing all vertical ability after hammering down 1.5 Coronas. The only thing missing is the token fat friend trying to drag her out, and someone screaming 'Y0 WURLSTAR'.
Translation for the visually and hearing impaired:
HER: is dis gonna hurt?
HIM: epictrollface.jpg (1:28)
Self-proclaimed thick whisperer and hustler of da hood, Tyrone Brown goes to pound-town on a token BBW-in training with commentary the likes you've never heard outside of an episode of Maury Povich. Just listen.
Ever wonder how these overachiever college students take 73 credits while pulling double shifts at Cracker Barrel? Spoiler: They all do drugs. Usually followed by casual humping. Cocaine + TINDER = this 4.0 GPA'r.
This girl's resilience is certifiably insane. Submissive, low-maintenance personality too. I want to hug her. I want to punch her. I want to spoon all 74 zesty flavors of Ben & Jerry's out of her asshole. In that order.
Who does this prick think he is? The Batman of social justice? This is y I make an effort not to wipe prior to sexual contact. Surprise me with a camera and all you'll get is 2 cheeks full of gramma's ole fashioned custard.
He's got a unique look. Could almost pass for a greeter at an Aspergers-only Hollister. But the compliments end there, cause this being online only sunk his stock faster than Brexit. I can smell the suicide note from here.
a.k.a small penis compensation. It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian cafe get discouraged by their girl's lack of excitement. Sounding like the immigrant from That 70's Show is optional.
Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will bathe their routers in bleach and set a hard drive on fire. But me? All I see is the only movie star that can give herself 3 thumbs up. Call me Mr. Positive.
Maybe you've already seen this. Anything teacher-sex related spreads around the Internet faster than ranch dressing at a feminst rally. Just don't be bamboozled by the reasonably-priced outfit. This educator is DTF4LYF.
She's no Megan Fox. But what's lacking in popularity & genetics, she makes up for in... well, nothing. This girl is fucking useless. Her hams look like they were bolted on by an intern at LEGOLAND and I don't know why.
Edgar turns this sloot's vagina into his own personal CrossFit gym, busting all sorts of unsanctioned power moves that are guaranteed to reconfigure a few labias.
YUR A COCK SUCKER HARRY ━━━★
BroDuDe's sexual escapade cut short after breaking an unwritten rule against butthole infiltration. Yup, you can fuck her all you want in front of a friend with a camera, just don't slip into the sludge. Not cool brah.
Tactical banging in mom's basement and using dragon dick sex toys as fluffer. Not sure what else to say. It's just another one of those nerdy broads that's taken their fascination with Game of Thrones too fucking far.