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The paramount collection (read: 8 JPGS) of a girl oblivious to gentleman around the world soiling their bicycle shorts to her Facebook account. Maybe I'm alone here, but I'm seeing tough love across the board.
Name one thing Pierre 'THE MACHINE' Woodman has not yet encountered at the end of his French baguette? If you said radical spinal surgery with a crisp hint of daddy issues, you're pretty much on the right path.
My stance on remaking classics goes from "fuck you" to "where's the damn sequel?" as these masters of cinema dismember a baker's dozen worth of stunt cocks in a way that would make Tom Savini soil himself in envy.
Dumb bitch must have thought she was auditioning for Seabiscuit 2. It's pretty much the only way you'd ever get a semi-attractive girl into the front seat of a Sarah Jessica Parker equine fantasy this questionable HAHA.
Liberal amounts of anesthesia opens the locker to this twit's darkest secret. Remember that word. Trust me.
That's it. As far as I'm concerned porn has officially jumped the
shark dinosaur. Not even at the height of one of my patented LSD + Carl's Jr. wombo combo benders did I envision something as despicable as this.
I'm thinking it might be best if she steered clear of all things vagina-related for the next few days. Only two things should cause that kind of convulsion, and I don't see electricity or Wesley Snipes anywhere in this video.
Somewhere between the home depot sheetrocking, and her costar having a more objectionable gunt than the entire NFL draft, I've lost the desire to masturbate. But one things for sure: Waterboarding works. Proof: This.
A night of Malibu Rum, and bands that consider wind chimes an instrument can end 1 of 2 ways. And while inebriated tits seems like a clear winner... I implore you to consider going Randy Savage on a bitch. #trustme
She's built like a Mississippi stripper, and he's got the wing
manwoman of the century. It's a sexual combo that virtually writes itself... and one that goes from 'good' to 'drive your own ass home!' pretty damn fast.
Flappy Bird makes $50k per day. But it can't do this.
Cornelius-approved sex toy releases an unexpected bodily fluid, as the entire room watches in utter digust. She ends up completely embarrassed. You end up completely erect. Quote of the week heard at 4:45.
Sneak-fucking your side piece inside a Mexican home without getting interrupted is about as probable as leaving Olive Garden's Tour of Italy with skidmark-free underwear: aka impossible. But I do admire his bravery.
Japan-inspired remix involving serious g-spot stimulation and someone's first experience with Windows Movie maker goes horribly... right? Sounds like a direct spot in the Billboard 100 to me. And now I have a direct boner.
These videos taught me two things. 1) Limits no longer exist in porn. 2) Expensive CGI will not be necessary in any future Transformer movies. Megatron vs. the 50 foot rutabagas on girl 6? You can sign me the fuck up.
Tojiro Kawasaki Jr can't find his safe space when an anchovy-scented stripper makes a beeline for his face, muff-first. 2 words lady: SUMMER'S EVE. Pick it up at your local pharmacy right next to the Pikachu enemas.
This is ridiculous. Not haha-ridiculous like a black guy pissing on Kim Kardashian & turning her into a national treasure. This lady is 2 clicks away from a stroke and I don't know to cringe or nominate her for an AVN award.