The more colors in her hair, the crazier the bitch is. A straightforward concept... and one that's officially reinforced thanks to this 97lb puddle slut farming the fuck out. Put it this way: Just watching her gave me Hep-C. It's that serious.
2 tokes of synthetics turn this skalliwag into the Gary Busey of hookups First she bare-asses the pavement. Then she speaks in tongues, in what I can only guess is confessing her sexual attraction to a mailbox. Hit it?
Silly swamp monster. You can't whip out 4+ inches of protuberance and continue to call it a vagina. Better hit up the DVD collection and Pirhana 3D that shit before roaming the bar scene. I'm here to help.
All but guaranteed to execute any size-queen fantasies u might've accidentally had after an episode of Keeping Up With the Kuntashians. Don't be fooled by that shit eating grin: Your love of vagina dies here and dies now.
Props to guy laying pipe. I haven't heard a teenager whine that ambiguously since the time I was caught defecating in the Blockbuster drop box in protest to late fees on my rental of Waterworld. FULL SCENE
One of Chernobyl's second generation offspring proudly displays his self-described one-eyed tuna trawler, an unfortunately authentic title for what might be the most WTF-worthy video you'll see today. Or not...
What happens when you mix synthetic street drugs, a vagina that smells like diesel and an irritated Latino? Sofia Vergara at a Trump rally. Or this girl. This video needs a sequel like Bruce Jenner needs hedge clippers.
There's a pretty good reason why this pic is taken from the neck up. A pretty damn good reason indeed. Three whole U.S. dollars and all the Burger King hotdogs you can eat if you even come close to guessing what it is.
Initially I said damn, I wish that was my GF. i could get away with murder. But upon deeper reflection I realize my greatest assets would be wasted. A $7 swap meet Whitesnake loincloth isn't legendary if you can't see it.
For fuck sakes, there's only 2 things capable of further emasculating a 4"9' Japanese man that's too small for Baby Gap's summer line. One is the Air Safari line at Six Flags. The other is whatever the shit is going on here.
This is dangerous. More dangerous than the time I evacuated a week's worth of Domino's MeatZZa fest thin crusts through the window of a moving vehicle. Actually wait, that was bravery. This is just stupid.
My fappy-sense tells me this is about as credible as Lil' Kim's skin color... but I do find her neurotic moans and full-body dry heaves fascinating. Real? Fake? Don't care because you'll ejaculate to anything with a pulse?
After seeing all 3 JAWS movies, I think deep sea should top the list of "stuff you shouldn't shove your face into". Now a 400lb type 2 diabetic planet of ham on the other hand... that's got originality written all over it.
Today's Lesson: Halloween is not limited to 1 day on the calender, "Freddy Bangs White Girl" is more cannon than the last 4 movies combined, and watching a burn victim lay teh pipe is strangely erotic. Quiz tomorrow.
2 things I truly respect in life: a) virginal voyages and b) overachieving Asian women. Add tits that are big enough to require a congressman and you're officially on the bucket list. Right next to this sleight of hand.
Some wisdom I picked up during my 6 hour stakeout of a bathroom at a monster truck rally: You get what you pay for. And by the looks of these leather handbags, I'd say this bitch used Groupon at the time of service LOL.
There's not many things more emasculating than being told the cunt you're currently inside of was being used as communal property. Save for being Yusaf Mack, I'd say this bro is comfortably in the #1 spot for a while.
I've seen some pretty awful CGI in my day. Dwayne Johnson in The Scorpion King, that glacier scene in Die Another Day & the entire Stephen King library. But this? This has heart. And tits that moistened my pantaloons.
My African acquaintance in the entertainment industry has long told me porn & music simply don't go together. Upon the 11th time stroking my spring roll to this masterpiece, I'm beginning to think he's a fucking liar.
Let's go on a trip back to Family Guy season 2, episode 14 at the 5 minute mark (fuck you, I had to look that shit up) and reflect. This is birthplace to the infamous cherry/buttcheeks scene. PROTIP: It's even better IRL.
Scabies? Heat rash? Mikhail Gorbachev's forehead transplanted to her ass? I don't know, but dude kept his underwear on for a reason and it wasn't to be the most fashionable Serbian with prescription medication.
Skip to the end. The part where he goes 4th of July inside the walls of her meat wallet. If the consistency of his brand doesn't scream 'i maintain a steady diet of yogurt, honey & Elmer's glue' I don't know what does.
One time something Japanese-related decides not to censor genitalia... it involves a love doll built for Verne Troyer. But the key phrase today is: LOVE STORY. This has one that would make Twilight shit it's pants in envy.
Broseph cut some corners whilst choosing his former sexual partners. Turns out the handicap stall at an ICP concert isn't the best place to find romance. Now he's gotta live the rest of his life w/ 7" of expired meat LOL.