How to make ur $50 porn vid 100x better? Do a shot of her crinkled starfish before and after sinking the dirty submarine. That's what people really want to see. A sliding scale of damage that FEMA might have to be called in for.
Her 'i have a level 73 warlock in Everquest, and use an N64 rumble pack to masturbate with' look is on point. She's also in desperate need of a partner that knows how to dance the butthole boogaloo. Let's see how it goes...
Certainly not the first time this hypebeast has staged an attack on Anal Island, and clearly not the last. Feel free to experiment next time - maybe deposit a Twinkie beforehand? It's called The Moist Gremlin. I invented it.
Schizoid games a Tinder.com soft-6 with an afternoon of bumper cars and Red Lobster... only to slip a couple of Oxycontin in her Admiral's Feast. The end result? 100% unadulterated, unfiltered autism around the 9:30 mark.
Another incident where some introductory pornstar is left with a smoking O-ring because she failed to follow the #1 rule of dancing the B-hole Boogaloo: "Grease Keeps the Peace" member that, & you'll always be 'aight.
Sorry hungry pedestrians living below the poverty line. Her sexual desires > your iced coolatta. Could someone please email me the news story when she gets caught pissing into the cappuccino machine? I'd appreciate it.
I said it once, I'll say it again: sweet fuckin Mr. Bean, not even a Vietnamese plastic surgeon could Ctrl+Alt+Del the Clydesdale from this face. Decent body though. I shall dub u " fugliest ho i'd still go down on ". Run with that.
Desperate for fame and isn't afraid of lying on her resume. If these aren't the quintessential ingredients to be Nacho Vidal's next penis ornament, I don't know what is. Now save up those Pesos and fly the U.S and A. kthx.
Her body language alone made the P-to-B transaction less probable than Bob Barker headlining UFC 215. Best she sticks to stuff she's good at. Like shopping at Warby Parker & picketing Chipotle. 'straight to A' isnt her thing.
Most erections flat line after being denied so aggressively, maybe translate into a domestic violence case or 3. Not this guy. He refuses to take no for an answer, and the result is more physical therapy than physical attraction.
This is classic. She literally goes from chowing down her own buttmud like a malnourished Nigerian, to straight up protesting a facial. Apparently the Woodman School of Rectology isn't as diverse as originally thought, HAHA.
Russia: Some go for the stroganoff. Others go to stir up enough friction to earn a campfire badge. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Leninade, then he hits that dirty squirrel like life depends on it. A role model, if u will.
This lady has a condition known as 'high maintenance'. It's what happens when dad stops loving you before you get into college, so you seek the refuge of alpha males that tenderize you like a $4.00 shank of London Broil.
Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this went from mildly amusing to, "it's time to stop" pretty damn quickly. Tipping point involves an ass to mouth audible plan B rejection after failing to fly the dick ship to Uranus.
Downside to MILFS having a mid-life crisis? Every time you try reliving her youth, the menopausal bitch fest comes roaring through. Then there's the other end of the spectrum: Mom's with foot-longs, but no time to use 'em.
Shame this girl doesn't make videos anymore. A damn crying shame. Never again will we see this level of excitement when it comes to colonizing the brown planet. Today's fap will be followed by a moment of silence. RIP.
Average Joes aren't the only ones facing resistance when trying to smash the cadburys. Semi-pro pornstars have occupational hazards too. ah well. As long as human toilet paper isn't on the menu, German girls are still bae.
Contrary to appearance, she didn't ask to speak to his manager after serving the Booty-O's. But her tolerance is spent faster than an Asian man's pension in a casino, so dont fret: theres plenty to keep ur corn doggy hard.
11:30 for something this guy hasnt heard since talking about yesterday's lunch trip to Wendy's. She may have the body of a disfigured cleaning lady, but both holes are tight & the mind is wide open. Good enuff for moi.
There's a very delicate line between casual buttsex, and elbow-deep rusty starfish slaughter. Where that line lives, I don't know... but I can sure as fuck tell you this human blackhole crossed it at the 4:30 mark. GAG
Like my reaction after hearing Oprah Winfrey wants to run for president, you can literally see fear in her eyes. Emphasis on the :24 sec mark with the introduction of a move I can only refer to as The Turkish Can Opener.