No better way to celebrate your final day of freedom than by cramming a bottle of Pepsi's finest in the tuna mitten of a $14 hooker. They went for an assisted goal, but she insisted max capacity was already reached. UH HUH.
At first I was like wow, this guy is an asshole for letting a roommate go crab appling in his girlfriend's butthole, unprotected. I was actually worried until I realized what year it is. Five words y'all: still better than fidget spinning.
44 fucking minutes of footage, and I still don't know if this girl is a dwarf or I'm getting hoodwinked my creative camera angles again. Luckily, my family-sized jug of coconut oil has run dry and I've already stopped caring.
Easy on the eyes, but her attention whoring puts a Kardashian to shame. 1 dick? k. 2 I get after a round of wine spritzers - but in front of 1,200 people? Bitch, if I wanted to see livestock, I'd get my ban lifted from The Bronx Zoo.