LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
8 seconds of watching this tells me this is about as common for her as it is for sound cloud rappers to have "lil" on their birth certificates... but I do find her enthusiasm extraordinary. Fetch my White Lion loin cloth, I wish to masturbate.
Today we learn three crucial things, so grab your colored pencils and pay attention: #1: Voyeurism is alive and well #2: Sexual misconduct is always negotiable. And #3: Lifetime bans from Macy's aren't a big deal. Lets get it.
I can forgive the potato-grade video quality. I understand the lack of names to prevent Instagram stalking. But cutting off the girls @3:39 before they ran to use honey dijon as lubricant? ZERO/5 stars you simple-minded, incredulous fuck.
How to make ur $50 porn vid 100x better? Do a shot of her crinkled starfish before and after sinking the dirty submarine. That's what people really want to see. A sliding scale of damage that FEMA might have to be called in for.
This girl's affinity for i licked my brother's taint porn is off the charts. She's been in more lead roles of bullshit refuse to jack off to than Jason Statham. Most likely a symptom of having a BF that fits in her finest Walmart lingerie.
Incestual Behavior: A practice commonly reserved for degenerate parents that want a hobby in between cashing disability checks and watching the Roseanne reboot. The daughters are always beat. Meet the sole exception.
She's no Scarlett Johansson. But what's lacking in popularity & genetics, she makes up for in... well, nothing. This chick is fucking useless. Those hams look like they were bolted on by an intern at LEGOLAND & I dont know why
You can go ahead and brag about your 13 pounds of lethal force all you want. If you're not using it to turn white vagina into a bowl of Bob Evans Mashed Potatoes, it's about as useful as an eye test is to this girl.
So what do we have here? Stunned by the feels of reverse birth, or the start of a snuff film? Dunno, but 1 thing's certain: if anal is in her future, she best have a solid insurance plan. I'm talkin rectal trauma, of the prolapse variety.
Schizoid games a Tinder.com soft-6 with an afternoon of bumper cars and Red Lobster... only to slip a couple of Oxycontin in her Admiral's Feast. The end result? 100% unadulterated, unfiltered autism around the 9:30 mark.
Apparently a 2-pack of Bud Light turns you into the Gandolf of parking lot pussy pickups... and today his teachings are all free of charge. Practice what you see here & I promise those size-11 Craigslist girls will never "LOL" again.
Downside of being 36 & still livin at home? Besides the 8AM line for toaster strudels, every time u wanna expand your sex life, you gotta come up with degenerate fuckery like this that gets exposed mid-Thanksgiving dinner.
Her 'i have a level 73 warlock in Everquest, and use an N64 rumble pack to masturbate with' look is on point. She's also in desperate need of a partner that knows how to dance the butthole boogaloo. Let's see how it goes...
18 & doesn't know what an orgasm is. But here, all that matters is the size of your imagination... and truthfully speaking, dude got a fat one. Emphasis on proportions. That clit looks like a deflated water balloon glued to straw...